London Adventures

Only 7 days left! I can’t believe that it’s almost over! Trying to make the best of my last days here! We just finished our last assignment so now all I have left to worry about are the rest of the lectures and our New Testament reading. In Spring school we are required to read through the entire New Testament (I’m pretty far behind). Its weird thinking that I’ve almost been here two months. I feel that it was just last week that I was suffering from jet lag!

As I said in the last post I was privileged enough to get to London! My first stop of course was town called Leavesden.  (Its about 20 miles outside of London) My friend Amanda and I took a train to a small station where we were greeted by a the double decker shuttle to take us to the one and only…  HARRY POTTER STUDIOS!! (thanks Akins and Mom) If you haven’t figured out by the use of my caps lock button I love the Harry Potter books and movies! For the past ten years Leavseden has been the place where they filmed all the Harry potter films. Words truly can’t describe how much I loved this! It was almost a 4 hour tour of the sets and how the films were made. From The Great Hall to Diagon Alley!  Amanda and I were almost speechless the entire time! It was Amazing!

Amanda had some people to visit in London, so we parted ways and I met up with Ali and Holly Brittany and Kylie. The next couple days were spent going to all the big tourist spots like Big Ben, The London Eye, Westminster Abbey. We even got to see a show while there. We also got to go to the London Film Museum! We stayed with on Ali’s friend Kinzey, and her family! It was so nice!

I have crated a new sport here at Capernwray. Its called table gliding.

We have a big room in the castle called the lounge, where we all hang out after lectures. I was sitting on one of the many coffee tables in the room and realized that the surface was smooth. I slid from one table to the one sitting next to it. I jumped up and asked my fellow student that all the tables be brought into the middle of the room. Once 6 coffee tables were lined up I took a running start, leaped into the air, and prayed that my clothes/body parts wouldn’t snag as I slid in between the tables. It was like sliding on ice! One after another we slid across the room the crowd cheering and screaming as we were transported back to out childhood. Awesome.

I think that being here and having a busy schedule with class and people that It’s easy to forget why I’m here. So Praise the Lord for He is good! I was listening to a song today that said, Great is thy faithfulness." and I'm realizing that the Lord will provide and be faithful even if its not what you think that you need at that time!

   I am so excited to see what God does when I get back! I can’t wait to see all you back home!

            But I don’t want to cut my time here short! I want to continue to soak up every last moment of my experience here. Going to keep living it up! I’ll keep you updated! See you all soon!

 

(PS) Maddy lover her new water bottle (thanks Beth).

Forward

So last week we hosted a day for the local police and their families at the castle, and of course like everything in England right now it was Olympic themed… (I just can’t get away from it). So my job during the day was to walk around with a flaming Olympic torch with a set of human Olympic rings (People holding hula hoops) (no I’m not joking) and to ask people Olympic trivia. So as a group we ran around and they would assemble and I would hold the torch. Tyler with a torch…hmmm… So naturally I burnt off the ends of my eyebrows, eyelashes, and the front of my hair. I guess that in some way this was a blessing. With the stench of my scorched hair following me around, I don’t have to worry about impressing the ladies. Just my fantastic luck, Sorry Mom no wife this year.

I’ve been thinking about God’s plan a lot lately. There has been a lot of conversations about what is next after Capernwray. In the past I know that I have said things to the effect of, God will show me what to do, or what ever I do God’s will is will be done. But now that I think about it, I feel that that was kind of a copout statement. I know that the Lord has a plan for me but does that mean that I can just sit back and wait for something to happen? You have to work for toward whatever is next.

Before I came here I think was the first time in a long time that I felt that I had really started to grow in my walk with the Lord. class="MsoNormal" style="textn enent: .5in;">

(PS) I got to go to London! Can’t wait to tell you all about it in the next post!


(I haven't been able to get the photos yet I'll try to up load those tonight)


And thank you for the letters! Mail is like gold here! 

Prepping

Almost been 3 weeks now and I do apologize for not updating for so long! The Internet is not great to say the least.

            So nothing too embarrassing has happened since the water bottle incident, so that’s good, But just an update on that I’m having my sister send me a replacement from the states.  I did get to herd sheep today! That was an adventure. Picture me runner after a group of sheep and them running for their lives… epic.

            I have been taking so much in during our lectures that I haven’t known what to write about. The other day we broke in to groups and were asked to discuss what God is doing in our lives and then pray about it. This has never been a question that I have had trouble answering before, but I didn’t know how to answer. I had to think which was weird considering how I got here to Capernwray.

“What is God doing in my life?”

            I don’t know.  It the large scheme of things, I don’t know what God is doing right now, how he wants to use this experience. Normally I would be asking, what’s next and is there a toll road so I can get there faster. But I feel like for the first time in a long time (if ever) I am right where the Lord wants me. I don’t know how he wants me or use the knowledge that I’m getting here, But that’s ok! I feel good.

Ever since Ryan died, I feel like there has been this beautiful urgency in my life. When I say urgency I don’t mean a rush or hurry but more a shift of priorities. Asking myself, why I’m here, what I’m meant for, and what the Lord has in store for me. I’m in a stage of prepping. 

I heard an illustration yesterday about a man who was searching franticly for something while on the phone with a friend. Finally, after turning his apartment upside down, his friend asked what he had lost and he responded, “I just can’t seem to find my phone.”

I don’t feel that this prepping stage is a new phase. I have been in it for a while. Just like the man had his phone the entire time, I have been in this stage that God has been preparing me for what I’m meant to do next, and I just didn’t realized it. For a while he has been stripping me of habits, desires and in some cases even relationships. Not to mention pushing me all the way to England. So its obvious that he is moving and prepping I just don’t know what for.

So many times before I feel like I have entered similar “prepping” stages and been defensive, as if I had been doing something wrong and was being called out on what changes need to be made. (Authority is something that I struggle with, if you don’t know me very well.) (I’m working on it…) (Just don’t instruct me to work on it… I might ignore you and not do it… like I said, working on it) But this time I go onto it with a willing heart. It’s welcomed with that beautiful urgency. Making the changes that are needed and seeing that the only way up is surrender. So I look forward to taking advantage of what I’m learning here, and LIVING IT UP!

Getting Soaked

I know that it will not come as a surprise to any of you when I tell you that I have embarrassed myself once again! The other day I was talking about water bottles with someone and I told them how much I loved Nalgenes. I went on and on about how they couldn’t break and all that stuff. I looked down the row and noticed that friend Maddie had one. So I went over and asked if I could demonstrate. She said yes and I grabbed it and threw it one the ground. The bottom of the bottle completely busted open… I looked at Maddie and her mouth was just hanging open.. I didn’t know what to say. I had just grabbed someone’s water bottle and smashed on the ground…

 I told her how sorry I was and that I would replace it. She assured me that it was no big deal, but continued to make off handed comments of how thirsty she was… 

Alright! I’ve been here seven days now! I wish I could tell you that I have found a groove or a rhythm, but I can’t yet! I feel that every morning I wake up every morning asking, “ So, what’s on the schedule for today?”  But I'm sure that doesn't surprise most of you (Abbey).  We usually have about six lectures a day. So I have a lot going into the brain.

    In lectures we have been going through the life of King Solomon, in 2 Chorincals. We have been talking of how awful of a King he was when it came to taking care of his people and staying in tune with the Lord. As we learn about this I cant help but see some parallels in my own life.  I look at Solomon’s prayer for wisdom:

That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."

⁸ Solomon answered God, "You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me king in his place.⁹ Now, Lord God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth.¹⁰ Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

¹¹ God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, possessions or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king,¹² therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, possessions and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have."

God gives Solomon what he asks. Solomon goes on to entirely abuse and ignore gifts that the Lord has given him. He ends up chasing after a more impressive looking life, with wealth and power, rather then spending his time and energy on glorifying the Lords plan and His will.

I look at this and feel convicted about how many times the Lord grants us beautiful gifts and we just ignore them and try to tackle our problems ourselves. I think of His gift of forgiveness and His promise of eternal life. So many times we get so caught up in the problems of our lives that we forget that our mistakes are covered by His blood. We are afraid to step out and accept it.

  Here in England It rains a lot. I love seeing the rain fall and how it makes everything green and alive. I get this picture of us standing underneath an umbrella in the middle of a rainstorm. We are safe and dry under the plastic that navigates the water away from hitting us. We don’t step out into the rain for we might get wet and uncomfortable. I feel like this is how some of us are with our walks with God. We dwell under this umbrella of security sitting warm and dry in our problems, struggles, and guilt/shame. But if we just accept the gifts that Jesus has given us, stepping out into the rain letting God’s strength, gifts, and forgiveness wash over us we will see what makes Him so different, and so awesome! and Be drenched with his Love and gifts! Don’t ignore them! Ask for them, and when he gives them to you, seize them!

            I almost didn’t seize my opportunity to come here to Capernwray. I had asked Jim and Nela Wright if I could use my semester next year because I wasn't trusting the Lord enough to take care of all my worldly details. I wasn’t receiving a gift that he was giving. I was trying to stay in my comfort zone, under the umbrella. There was a point where I was going over my finances for the one-zillionth time to see if I could work something out, when I just said, “God if you want this to happen, Do It. I’ll be Available.” I stepped into the storm, and within days He had taken cake of every detail. I felt like he was saying, “Well, I did my part… Your turn.

            Don’t be afraid to accept what he’s got, to step in to the rain, It’s SO much better then what you have now!

LIVE IT UP!

Now I need to find a cheap Nalgene 

Wes - These are the are the urinal cakes here in the castle. I try to move them when I pee. I feel that you would be good at this. Olivia Westwood, a hilarious Brit. that i have met, calls when guys peeing, taking a slash. Thought you would like that as well...

Settling In

I have never experienced jet lag before this trip. I finally arrived at Capernwray after about 32 hours of traveling. I showed up 6:15am on Wednesday to a castle in the middle of sheep-land! I walked through the halls looking for my room trying not to make any noise with my gigantic rolling suitcase. I share a room with 3 roommates Michael(Germany), Trevor(California, USA), and Daniel(South Korea). Its great! I was told that I didn’t need to attend lectures and could of slept and settled in. But I didn’t want to miss out on any more of the teachings. So I decided to follow the schedule that we all have.

I fell asleep in every lecture. I’m not talking about nodding off and sitting quietly. I’m talking about full on, elbow slipping off the table and hitting my face on the desk. The best part of this is I am in the front row right in front of the lecturer and 164 students sitting behind me. Luckily everyone knew what I was going through and they gave me grace, but it was still embarrassing.

We have 40 guys here and 124 girls… I’m just saying (Wes).

The castle and grounds are beautiful and having to keep reminding myself that this is my home for the next two months.

For the past couple years, I feel like I have been a  state of anxiousness whether about my job or about bills ect. For the first time in a long time I feel that I am where the Lord wants me no dobt. I’m not completely sure why I’m here yet but I’m guessing that will come.

We were talking about worry yesterday in lectures and someone through out Jeremiah 29:11 – “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

As many time as I have heard that, I think sometimes I become numb to its promise. The plans that The Lord has for me it to help me not break me down, although breakdown may be nessisary!

I am truly grateful for this opportunity, and am excited to see what God has in store! I will keep you all updated! And miss you all.

Oh and here is my mailing address!! Send me things!

Caperwray Hall, Carnforth

Lancashire, LA6 1AG

England

Out of Control

On time! BooYa!

As someone who it known for missing their flights, I am pleased to inform to inform you all, I have indeed made it to London, England! The bad news is that my next flight doesn't leave for another six hours. So I have some time.
When it comes to airports I love having time, mainly because, like I said before, I miss a lot of flights. But today I kinda wish I was short on time. Letting me remain with my head in this fog that its been in since last Saturday. With this time I am forced to reflect and process. It hurts. I miss my friend. I can't help think about when I first told Ryan that I was leaving, I was surprised to see how excited he was for me and how he wanted to know every detail. It was awesome. When I think about the hurt that my heart feels, I think of Ryan's parents and siblings and how much more painful it must be for for them. Tom, Gale, Luke, and Amanda, I love you guys, miss ya, and I'm prying for you every day! Now I want to make something clear. I didn't make this blog to mourn the death of a friend and I'm sorry if it looks that way. But Ryan's life and death has been constant thoughts. I have never mourned this hard over a lose before. I'm not trying to be dramatic, just honest.

So I'm in London! Boom Baby! It's rainy and cold. Walking through the airport I think I have been spayed with like 15 different fragrances and perfumes. I smell weird, and no it's not because I forgot my deodorant...
Apparently it is just as important to smell good as it is to look good here. This makes me think about the fragrance ads, they have all theses buff guys in speedos in a pool... what does that have to do with cologne? Aaand who where's cologne to a pool. I'm just saying...

I think that I am beginning to realize that I really am leaving my friends, home, and comfort zone for two whole months. Thoughts like, "Why did I do this?" pop into my head. That thought make me stop and think even more (I know people, I'm thinking up a storm over here!) Why did I do this?
When I break it down I really didn't do anything. No seriously! When i think about how this all came about i did nothing but just be available.

I got a phone call after returning from a trip to North Carolina to see my brother, sister (Kevin and Beth), and three nephews (Jaden, Tyler, and Karsten). The call was from Beth's cousin Amy, who I had met on the trip. She told me that she enjoyed meeting me and wanted to know if I had ever heard of a school called Capernwray. I said no, she went on to tell me that it was a Bible school in England and she thinks that I should go. "If you can find a way over there and a way to cover your expenses while your gone then we'd like to pay for your tuition."
...I'm sorry what now?!
She told me that I had been on her and her parents heart and they would like to bless me by sending me to learn about the word of God. I was overwhelmed and my first though was, UHHh YA I'll go! But then reality kicked in and I remembered that I have a full time job and a lease and a car payment, all that grown up crap. So I told her that I am so grateful for the offer but I would have to say no.
She wasn't going to give up that easy. "Just pray about it, okay?"
I agreed, hung up the phone, and said a prayer like, " God, if you want this, make it happen."

I was left with all these excesses why I couldn't/shouldn't go:

I have a full time job:
I walked into my bosses office right after the phone call and told her about the conversation that I just had with Amy. The first words out of her mouth were, "Wow that's great! when do you leave"
Aagin, I'm sorry what now?!
She told me that it would be no problem for me to take two months off and that I would have my job when I came back... How many bosses do that? Really?!

I have all these bills:
 I sent out a support email. Within three weeks I had more then enough for the trip (thank you all!!)

I have a lease on my apartment:
My lease just happened to end 15 day after I leave for school.

Like I said, I did nothing, God provided for everything! I just needed to be willing to go!

Just be willing and God will blow you away with his AMAZING plan.

 Be Present and Willing.

LIVE IT UP.

PS) I just saw a guy sneeze like 20 times in a row... it was awesome!

Getting Ready to Jump

My Chaos

I don't remember at time where I have been this exhausted! But can't stop now still have a lot to do. I'm finishing packing up the last bits of my apartment. I find it funny that I always finding myself wanting more until I have to pack or move it. That being said, packing things up this past few weeks I keep finding things that I don't need. I think that I have donated three or four trash bags of clothes this week. I need to me more grateful.

 I'm still struggling in a time of grief not only for myself but for others. I want to be here to grieve with them. Like I said in the last post I know that God is calling me to come along side certain people here and pour into them, but also calling me to go and lean more about him and his word. So as excited as I am to go on this awesome adventure,  but I'm torn when it comes to wanting to stay.  I talked to one of my sisters today and she put it simply, "When you are in a time of grief you want to be somewhere comfortable, with people who understand. These next eight weeks will probably be some of the hardest in your life."

Well Crap.


I was comforted when the song Come Away by Jesus Culture came on:

Come away with Me, Come away with Me 
It's never too late, It's not too late
It's not too late for you


I have a plan for you
I have a plan for you
It's gonna be wild
It's gonna be great
Its gonna be full of Me


Open up your heart and let Me in

That's it. That's the whole song. Simple. That's everything that I needed to hear.

He has a plan... (To better me) (Jeremiah 29:11)

It's gonna be wild... ( and difficult)

(but) It's gonna be great!

Its gonna be full of me!

That its what I want! A life full of the Lord, to be overwhelmed by His words!

SO even in the midst of loosing my buddy and being in a state grief, I WILL go, and it WILL be wild and difficult, but I know it WILL be great.

You gotta LIVE.

Beauty in the Breakdown

I'm starting this blog at a weird time in my life. For one thing I don't really do this kinda stuff but I though why not?
The past couple have days have been the hardest in my life. I always thought that i had dealt with a lot and there was very little that could phase me. I have dealt with divorces, loosing family members, drug addicts, the list goes on and on. There were times where I thought, "Alright God enough is enough." But I always had the hope to move on.
This past week I was called the day before Easter and was told that a kid that I mentored had fallen in a rock climbing accident and had died. My reality was shaken to its core. I'm still trying to figure out why this was and is so much bigger then anything that I had dealt with before. I thank the Good Lord that the first Person that I saw was my mentor Stu. He pulled me into a side room and I just lost it. There was no care about how i looked or sounded, I was in absolute shock.

I first met Ryan Wahl when I was a senior in high school. He had started coming to our youth group. Right away there was something about him that I couldn't put my finger on, a JOY that was truly infectious. Now normally, freshmen and seniors didn't hang out much (not because they didn't like each other, more because of the lack of things in common) But I had had a senior invest in me when I was a freshman and I wanted to spread that. So I chose Ryan. I loved Ryan  from the moment that we started to hang out. I still couldn't put my finger on why. I went and talked to Stu about it and he plany told me that Ryan was a 4 year younger version of myself... My first reaction was offense," What that is preposterous! Ryan is always telling me how bored he is at school and how... Oh. Well he's loud and obnoxious at church... Ok I get it." He was me I was all those things, It was a funny and humbling realization. From then on it was so much easier to take Ry out to do things and spend time with him. I would do things that I would want to do. Like me, he didn't want to to coffee houses and just sit around he wanted to go adventures and live. So i decided that we would go climbing instead of boring ourselves with forced conversations in a dimly lit coffee house.
Little did I know that when I introduced Ryan to rock climbing that would turn from something that we did to hang out and talk to something that he was obsessed with. I think he called or texted me 3 or 4 times a week to go climb. It cracked me up. I found it hard to mentor Ryan because within so many conversations I would forget who I was talking to and just be talking to a friend. At the time was frustrating but now I am so grateful for that. Our relationship grew and started to see Ryan as my little brother. But not the in the cliché sense, but if he where my blood. Things he did annoyed me, like a brother, I would call him out on stupid things he did, like a bother, and often times he would ignore me, like a brother. Since it was like looking at a younger version of myself, I wanted to make sure that he didn't have to go through struggles that I did at his age.  I felt responsibility for him.
Every time we'd finish climbing we'd to to Sonic and get food and decompress life. I miss that.
I was always in shock with how much he would teach me while i was teaching him. Thats how I knew it was a good friendship, a good brotherhood. Neither of us were taking from one another without giving to one another.
Of course we would have lulls where we would see each other for a while when life got busy. But our relationship never regressed only grew, which I loved.
 
I sat completely overwhelm with all emotion, and I knew that my answer had to be yes when Stu, asks if I want to come with him to be with Ryan's family. I felt like the drive took forever, and was mostly in silence. I knew that Stu was just as upset about all it as I am.
We finally arrived. We could tell because there are news and fire trucks all over the place. Stu and I got out and find where Gale and Tom were and then just sat. We sat for hours in the back of an ambulance, Just waiting. I'm so grateful that I got to be there with the Tom and Gale as they brought Ryan down from where he fell. Time seemed to move so slowly.
We talked and remembered Ryan and all his quarks and fun. and even got in a couple of laughs here and here, which was refreshing due to the nature of our waiting.
The time finally came, a small group of us left to go meet the search and rescue crew that had Ry, up the road. I can't describe having to watch my friend, my brother's body carried down in front of me. Knowing that he was there but he wasn't really there. We where all numb.
( I do want to say how kind and comforting the rescue workers were. What a blessing.)
    I feel like the next few days I was just out of control when it came to my emotions. I would be fine one minute and the I would need to to pull over to the side the road due my lack of visibility because of my tears. Preparing for the funeral was a task for all of us. And when the day came. I looked at Amye and Jen and just burted out, "I'm not ready for this." This has been a constant feeling since the accident.
Ryan's service was absolutely amazing! Never had a seen a funeral with so much hope and celebration.

Ryan's casket was built by some of his work friends and every one had the chance to sign a message on it. It was brilliant.
I kept looking over at the family that I had spent some time with in the last couple days and was just in awe of there strength. One of Ryan's cousins spoke and put it in a way that overwhelmed me with JOY,"This was not Ryan's first death (He died and was reborn when he chose to follow Christ) But this was his second and last !" I feel like overwhelmed with JOY was an understatment! Ryan is dancing with Jesus, the HOLY ONE! Never again will he have to feel sorrow of pain! Never again will I have to worry about protecting him from those problems or struggles! He is FREE!! MY LITTLE BRO IS FREE! PRAISE THE LORD!
The only thing now that remains is my selfishness of wanting him here instead, missing him! I am slowly realizing that these feelings are not going to just be gone when I wake up tomorrow. I will probably miss Ryan for the rest of my life. But it is important to realize I will see him again! And I'll get dance and rejoice and feel no pain or longing with him and Jesus. SO EXCITING!
God, I loved that guy! His JOY and FUN spread like wildfire. And that was one fire you could not put out, even now! I am so grateful that I got the time I did with him.
 
 I said before that this is a weird time for me. There are things that I know The Lord is telling me to do. I know there are people here that I feel called to invest in. And I plan and look forward to doing that. But I have also been giving an opportunity to go and study the Bible in England. I know that i am to do both. I am just torn and nervous/excited about doing it all!  I know that is this is going to be a difficult season of growing and healing! So if you remember, pray for God's hand on this!

I am leaving Monday to fly to England, and start this Adventure of growing in the Word. I will be explaining the amazing things that God had done to make this happen in my future posts. So please stay tuned. I look forward to bringing glory to the Lord thru this blog and stare some awesome adventures. I hope you enjoy it!

*The Pictures are from Gales Blog:
 http://tomakeitworththepain.blogspot.com/2012/04/blessed-be-his-name.html
Please read she's an amazing women!